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Falling in Love…again

14 Feb

We’d been down this path before.

The falling in love stage, picturing your life together. The glimpses of who you might become if everything worked out. Seeing the day to day and feeling that rising excitement of “I can DO this” as you realize you LIKE the person you could be, that you LIKE the whole idea.

And then it comes crashing down. The pain of “what could have been” and the feeling that you would never feel that way again. The lethargy that steals over your body when someone says, “There’s plenty more out there” and you have to bite back the response of, “But not like THAT one” because no one truly understands. Oh they say they do, but deep down you’re sure that this was different, though it’s too much work to explain or even figure out just how it was.

Yet you have to eventually reach out again. Life moves on, deadlines (self imposed or otherwise) demand that you start considering that there might be other possibilities after all. Except you find you’re not searching out the same thing again. You’ve changed somehow and your needs seem somehow different. The love is slower this time, a little more cautious, a lot more “should I” before you take that plunge.

So we do it again. Pick up the phone and say, “Yes, let’s make an offer on the house.” Then sit back and wait with crossed fingers and fear, remembering how you were outbid last time. Trying to tell yourself that it’s ok if you don’t make it this time around either. Only…THIS house is different. That slow love seems deeper and you realize that the first one had been a passing fancy, a whole lot of ‘what if’ while here…here is where you could actually be HOME.

 Oh please let this one be Home.

This is the beginning of our adventure. One step at a time, changing our lives, all of our lives in great big scary ways. We’re not dreaming anymore, but wide-awake and living our lives, for the first time in years.

They took the offer. There is no sure thing as we’ve learned…there is still an inspection to pass. We still need to actually GET the loan that we pre-qualified for. Like falling in love you go on a whole lot of faith, in each other, in the future. No sure things there either.

But Wow, imagine what it will be if it all works out. Imagine WHO I’ll be when I step through that door again….

The thought is heady and pushes us onwards.

We’re coming home.

What if this is our new home?

Is this it?