k1 p2 k3 yo…

4 Jan

I’m putting off finishing a sweater.

Er…I’ve been putting this off for the last two years.

Knitting is supposed to be a relaxing hobby but there is something anxiety inducing in sweaters for me. In the time where I COULD have been finishing the sweater I have knit several scarves, even some doll clothes, and a stuff animal.

But I do not finish the sweater.

The front is finished, as is the back and one and a half sleeves. I think I could honestly have all the pieces done, ready to be stitched together in the space of an afternoon. Only I put it off, because sweaters…condemn.

A stuffed animal that comes out a little lopsided is ‘charming.’

A scarf…well how can you go wrong on a scarf? So long as it’s long…ok there’s the nervousness that comes in the giving where you wonder if you got it long enough for the recipient’s preferred knotting technique…but typically it is figured that so long as it CAN be knotted you’re doing ok.

But a sweater…the flaws are more noticeable. The length not right, the sleeves uneven or worse too long or too short. The collar not able to get around the head or gaping unattractively. There are just SO MANY ways to go wrong.

So rather than finish, with only half a sleeve of knitting to go and I can be finished with this project and move on with my life..I find reasons not to go on. Can’t find the pattern…the yarn is knotted. I don’t have the time. I’m too tired to knit.

But these excuses cover a whole lot more than hesitancy over a long-term project. It tells me that my self confidence has taken a beating somewhere down the line (again). Fear of failure…that is not even fear of failure when you stop to think about it. There is nothing wrong with rolled up cuffs or a hemline that’s a bit dodgy. It’s fear of not achieving PERFECTION isn’t it.

I think that’s been the heart of a lot of my struggles since taking this sabbatical – feeling like I don’t measure up in the eyes of the world that is still managing to get up and go to work and care for their families on a daily basis, despite the things that THEY struggle with.

I feel like I’ve given up when what I really ought to shed is the awful word “should” and the perfectionism that goes right along with it.

I am where I am right now. I don’t need to be making apologies for that. The same goes for that sweater and all those other projects I hesitate over (the book I’m writing, the lessons I craft for homeschooling) because to my way of thinking they aren’t good enough if they’re not without flaw.

Oh yes, it’s time to make a change.

So it’s time to quit making excuses. Instead I look at the unfinished sweater and pick up the needles once again.

It’s an afternoon’s worth of work. Maybe two with the sewing.

Time to get one with it. Even if it’s not quite ‘perfect.’

 

What have you been putting off…and why?

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6 Responses to “k1 p2 k3 yo…”

  1. horsetraininglady January 4, 2013 at 11:39 pm #

    I agree with you. I start things that I crochet then seave it and start something else. I have to keep on keeping on I guess.

    • Kristine Pratt January 5, 2013 at 12:22 am #

      Hang in there!

      • horsetraininglady January 6, 2013 at 11:26 pm #

        I do. My mom said to get patterns for something that can be used. So I ordered a few paterns for placemats, pot holders and table runners. At least when I am working on something it for a reason.

  2. Vici Doore January 4, 2013 at 11:46 pm #

    I’m putting off… well, just about everything I need to do. Clearing out the piles of clutter on my desk, under my desk, and in my room; racking up words for my writing goal this month; half a dozen sewing projects, the materials for which make up half my clutter piles; reading those library books that were due a week ago… As for why? Well, to be honest, I don’t have an excuse. I just… don’t wanna. Or rather, I do want to, I just don’t care enough. I’d rather sit on my lazy butt listening to music and stalking facebook uselessly for ten hours, sleep until I get kicked out of bed, then listen to music, etc. Honestly, I even put off food in favor of sitting here doing nothing, more often than not. I have no motivation to do anything whatsoever…
    I congratulate you on forcing yourself out of your rut and pushing onward with your project!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. The sweater is done! « Life at Rest - January 21, 2013

    […] I posted recently about the sweater that never got finished…well I pressed on after posting that, one row at a time sometimes. Over the weekend I finally finished knitting the pieces and even got it all sewed together. […]

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